HOLLYWOOD CA -- Renowned fighting game player and wall-denting enthusiast Eliver "KillerKai"Ling recently announced his retirement from the fighting game tournaments, citing his intention to concentrate exclusively on his acting career. The announcement came swiftly after a disappointing 9th-place finish at Norcal Regionals, a dimly lit tournament hosted in Sacramento, California.

"There has never been opportunity in the film world for an actor of ambiguous oriental descent" said Mr. Ling. "Whether the role calls for Japanese, Chinese… pretty much any of the 'eses or 'eans — an actor like myself can fit the role, given that the average white person can't tell the difference." Ling continued on to describe, at great length, his joys of portraying such rich characters as "Asian Thug", "Ming Warrior", and "Nguyen".

Mr. Ling was also quick to point out that his earnings as a film star have already proven more lucrative than his winnings as a professional gamer. "Just the other day, I made $50 as 'Miko's gang member (uncredited)' and I got free catered lunch on top of that," said an elated Ling. "I think I made the right decision to move forward with my career in acting." Eliver's latest starring role as "Stuntman" in the film "Anita Ho" only reinforces this notion, and although FGCNN's research team was unable to determine whether Ling plays as a stuntman or a character named "Stuntman" in the film, they did agree that it'd be more awesome if it were the latter.

Do you think that Eliver Ling is better suited for the acting world? Will the fighting game scene be the same without KillerKai in their tournament brackets? How do you escape from ApologyMan's unblockable setups? Sound off in the comments!

CALIFORNIA -- Literally dozens of individuals took to the internet to express extreme outrage at what they are calling the "stupidest decision I have ever seen" after Bronson Tran, Northern California Tekken player and organizer behind the StrongStyle Tekken tournament series, announced that the event's eighth iteration would not feature a live stream, much to the dismay of somewhere between twelve to twenty-four people.
Mr. Tran appeared on the now woman-friendly live talk format program Avoiding the Puddle, hosted by two individuals the Capcom fighting game community identified as "The Guy from Cross Assault" and "The Guy Who Got Bodied By Sherryjenix on Cross Assault", to reveal that plans had been finalized to hold the event in San Mateo, California in September of this year. However, what was initially met with elation from the tens of viewers watching the show rapidly deteriorated into hostility when Tran proclaimed the tournament would not be available for viewing via popular live video portal TwitchTV.
"This is bullshit, okay?" said TwitchTV user EMP_sherryjenixssportsbra when asked to comment. "Every major has a stream. What about the people that can’t make it to the tournament? How are they supposed to enjoy it? They’re supposed to just pay out five hundred dollars to attend or they’re shit out of luck?"
When asked if he intended to attend the tournament, Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra replied that he had never heard of StrongStyle before the announcement, so it was unfair for him to be expected to be prepared to attend.



President of LevelUp and fighting game legend Alex "CaliPower" Valle took to Twitter to voice his displeasure with the decision to not live stream Tekken from StrongStyle. "NorCal Strongstyle not going to be streamed? Good luck with that[, Bronson Tran]". Mr. Valle was later seen backtracking on this comment after the two or three people who still care about Tekken lashed out at him, presumably in defense of Mr. Tran.
Mr. Valle and LevelUp recently made the announcement that PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale would be joining the line-up for Wednesday Night Fights, joining the likes of perennial draw Injustice: Gods Among Us. LevelUp’s partnership with Sony's Santa Monica Studio caught many gamers off guard, as they had completely forgotten the game existed. Many accused Mr. Valle’s Twitter comments of being drawn from a place of professional cynicism over missing an opportunity to stream the event and earn more money to spend in the champagne room on weekends, though a trusted source within the LevelUp production crew told a FGCNN correspondent, "We were just looking to see if we could stream something even more dead than Injustice."
Mr. Tran, who our sources inform us has sequestered himself at the advisement of federal law enforcement after being targeted by several credible death threats, was unavailable to comment at the time of the publishing of this piece.
Is Mr. Tran completely out of line for not providing a free stream to several dozen Tekken fans? Is Mr. Valle attempting to corner the market for streaming dead and irrelevant games? Will Mr. sherryjenixssportsbra get the full-figured support of other monsters? Let us know in the comments below!